Three ways to feel better

I’ve been in a funk since I pulled the queen of swords reversed. I’ve been feeling that energy – dammed energy, energy forced in stagnant, unhealthy directions. Jealousy, bitterness. I’ve been thinking about my association between the queen of swords and the misogynistic Morgause in T.H. White’s The Once and Future King. The second book introduces her, and it borrows its title – The Queen of Air and Darkness – from A.E. Housman’s poem:

Her strong enchantments failing,
Her towers of fear in wreck,
Her limbecks dried of poison
And the knife at her back,

The Queen of air and darkness
Begins to shrill and cry,
‘Oh young man, oh my slayer,
Tomorrow you shall die.’

Oh Queen of air and darkness,
I think ’tis truth you say,
And I shall die tomorrow;
But you will die today.

What would I be able to do if I weren’t stuck brooding over all the ways I’ve been wronged?

This was all heavy lifting, and I took a couple days to step back and take care of myself: cooking good food, beautifying my home, spending time outside in lovely gardens. Today I picked up my tarot deck again and pulled three cards while asking what I can do to feel better. How can I channel my energy in ways that are constructive, rather than destructive?

I pulled:

  1. The king of swords: Judgment, authority; rational, logical decisions; upholding standards or schedules; external expertise; operating under strict requirements; setting limits; depriving yourself to honor a principle or decision; dispassionate maximization of efficiency; critiquing to high standards; discipline.
  2. The nine of cups reversed: Truth and error; exposing unpleasant things that have been hidden; liberation after release from superficial or false attachments; a need to let go of smugness and complacency; faults and imperfections that may be overcome; hedonistic self-indulgence may be called to account; forsaking material pleasures for spiritual progress – “the pleasure seeker that overthrows the lifestyle for the sake of simplicity and contemplation.”
  3. The high priestess reversed: Passion; moral or physical ardor; conceit; surface knowledge; difficulties accessing your intuition; being out of touch with or denying your inner feminine wisdom; returning to the world after a period of isolation; increased feelings of loneliness and a lack of self-confidence; being resolutely on your own; a loss of self, doubting your own identity; intrigue, secrets revealed; women’s magic, secret societies, the goddess in the underworld. “The high priestess mirrors your anima, so what you see reflected in the reversal may be disturbing.”

Not exactly comforting. Discipline, forsaking the material, and a lonely trip underground. My comfort-loving Taurus self is nervous.

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